It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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驾校ao职位是干什么的浑源招聘驾校教练驾校报名会发书吗驾校报名怎么收费标准驾校车伊兰特的详细?驾校ao职位是干什么的浑源驾校好还是大同好驾校报名会发书吗黄冈市驾校价格驾培驾校电话号码驾校分校场地图片驾校报名会发书吗惠州杨村驾校驾校分校场地图片驾校报名受理在那查惠州致远易通驾校黄冈市驾校价格驾校公众号功能介绍驾校公众号功能介绍驾校报名受理在那查驾校能作为考场吗驾培驾校电话号码浑源招聘驾校教练驾校ao职位是干什么的驾校公众号的功能介绍驾校前台态度差驾校分校场地图片驾校暑期招生宣传语驾校报名受理在那查浑源金土地驾校在哪呢 有个从来抓不到鬼的小道士还俗了,大婚这一天,师兄弟没有一个到场的,全城的鬼却都聚在了婚礼的上空,想替这个总是心肠很软、碎碎念很唠叨、最后却娶了个小狐狸的小家伙挡一道雷劫,毕竟啊,人妖殊途,可是那天啊,晴空万里,什么都没有发生。偏僻小城中的少年,不为人,既成神的故事。古一白这一生运气很好,有爱人,亲人,知己,红颜,朋友,兄弟,…… 也守护了很多,失去了很多!岳峰,蓝星玩家联盟核心团第四军团长,180级六转大剑士。 在抵御异世界文明入侵失败蓝星彻底沦陷之际,他借助时空神器的力量携带游戏记忆重回三年前,【降临】开服前夕。 三年多的游戏生涯,让他知晓无数赚钱技巧、副本攻略、传说任务、装备出处…… 这些还不算,在第一次登陆游戏的时候,岳峰意外发现背包当中竟然携带了游戏中唯一的圣器《传承之章》。 凭借种种优势,岳峰在游戏中找回爱人,建立势力,统一游戏版图。 当三年后位面融合的时候,异位面降临者们悲哀的发现,等待他们的是游戏内攀升到了极致的工程学科技以及无数装备精良的玩家。 当团结一切力量消灭所有入侵者之后,岳峰发现,更大的挑战,还在后面…… 李江,一个不是这个世界的人来到了这个世界。他没有比别人更多的本事,唯一的长处就是他有别人永远都没有的经验。经验这个东西,可以让一个平凡的人成为神,不是神话里面的神。 李江,觉得自己不是神。他只是多了一点别人没有的记忆,这是老天爷的恩赐;或者是上帝的奖励。总之,他来了,带着神一样的能力,来到了这个世界。他不是来改变这个世界的,但是世界却要注定因他而改变! 哥不是神!但哥却可以成为神话!  常定宇穿越民国,成为当地乡绅子弟,激活《世界首富》系统,并青春永驻,容颜一直停留在了二十出头。 但他无心壮大个人财富,反而创办大学,抗击奴人,屡立奇功,身上伤疤无数。   最终因为系统原因,常定宇战争尚未结束就直接进入了活死人的状态,直到百岁生日这一天才苏醒过来。   一日,常定宇骑着电动车和大妈相撞,被大妈诬陷碰瓷。   围观的路人纷纷对他指指点点。   “年纪轻轻的干什么不好,竟然也学老人碰瓷,一个大小伙子,你害臊不害臊?”   常定宇非常气愤,他从来没被人这么冤枉过,想上前理论,结果被大妈扯坏了衣服。 一身伤疤触目惊人,众人都傻了……罗月松率特战分队,远赴滇缅战场,成为戴安澜将军200师侦察尖兵,探路先锋,深入丛林,战端重开。“什么?原来我是恶魔?” 十六岁那天,‘穿越者’阎墨终于等来了属于自己的灿烂。 ------------------------------ ‘普通人类’加入恶魔学园学习成为恶魔的故事,大概会涉及入间同学入魔了,家庭教师,猎人。堂堂混元大陆无人能敌的无量天尊,不可一世却惨遭算计,千钧一发之下,却意外转生到了一位性格恶劣,又爱挥霍攀比的人渣身上。为了探清真相,他决定重新开始,走上一条史无前例后无来者的修仙之道。 三无吊丝史晓峰生俱“九格桃花命”,本无意沾惹红尘却左拥右抱,与林楚虹、周笑依、姜薇、池敏、钱玉萍、蔡小慧、吴非儿、桑小媚、山下杏奈、妮娜、迪亚娜、俞漫等诸多御姐、萝莉们,因缘相识,爱欲痴缠。 “桃花命”同时也给他带来了意想不到的陷阱和杀机,身陷绝境之时,一位神秘喇嘛赠予的神奇“天珠”给予了他第二次生命。 他能否终极逆天,最终扭转命运? 他能否携众美纵横四海,归隐桃源?
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